The Orchid

once an orchid sat

in a silver light and

solemnly waited

slightly breathing

touched its glistening tear

only one dream away from

a perfect birth

one promise away from birth

one secret away from

one promise away from

one dream a-

one kiss away from life

from a life, from another life, you know.

then when the sun rose

in a newer lighting

lay his wings on her

warm with his kisses

and touched her light feather

just so they could breathe again

just so they could feel the pain

just to be reborn again

one secret

one promise away from

one dream a-

one kiss away from life

from a life, from another life, you know.

then when I said

sat his wings down

yearning for our love

over the whole

Life Man

I can‘t be alone on my own

For too long

I‘m a wilted flower

When I miss you so

I can‘t tell my feelings apart

Anymore

Even when I reason with myself

I‘m no closer

When the therapist operated on me

He simply raised his eyebrows and said; Life, man

This could be a feeling

I can‘t tell

This could be the season

I just don‘t know it

This could be a dream

And I‘ll wake up

Get up brush your hair and start the day at midday

In the meantime

This could be a fever

And I‘ll recover

There could be some reason

I just don‘t know it

I could be dreaming

Pinch me

Freshen up and seize the rest of this forsaken day

In the meantime

Get up brush your hair and start the day at midday

In the meantime

Spectator

Heart, diamond shaped

Pulled out at all its edges

I can‘t tell if I‘m in over my head

Words, in a spider web

And you ask me to fix it

I am in over my head

I am the spectator

I am the middle man

Thinking for everyone

Watching you both take out your fear on me

How can I help you if it‘s best for me

To stay away

I‘m caught in between

Feeling the feelings

Of everyone except my own

I can‘t take it

I can‘t be in between

How can I help you if I always get it wrong

I am caught in between

Air unfolding

I don’t know what to do

unspoken fears beholding

lying in bed with you

feeling the air unfolding

are you afraid of us

are you afraid I’m not thinking

are you afraid I’m strong

are you afraid I’m not loving

it’s your reason

it’s the feeling too

that you’ve got nothing to lose

that’s my heart ache

that’s my love for you

I’ve got something to prove

Tied all my strings to you

Lovingly was my gesture

Still lying next to you

Embroidered in every texture

tell me it’s true

why can’t you believe the best in me, honey

tell me you do

see me as the one you truly choose

Valentine

i can hear you moon

silently

brushing off against

my skin

I can hear you

quietly

remembering

how to live

and i was somewhere along the way

that time

I can hear you’re calling me up

I can hear them calling me

all the time

silently

sombre in

times of their

riding waves

halo against the skies you wait

and they broaden the

horizon

I’m alone

you’re alone

tell them I do

say

calling my name

so many times

Sideways moon

the sideways moon

is smiling

the silent doom

is within me

skin I know I’m chiselling

off what I had sculpted

claimed to be

I loved you most exciting

unattainable

shadow in the mirror

that was what I saw

painting by the numbers

filling in the gaps

that was how i loved you

that was what it was

I catch myself asking

time -  go away

is this merely life flashing

right before we die

I catch myself crying

I wonder why

it’s easier to forget

it all until we die

will you know I’m sorry

taking what I took

will you know I truly

gave you all I got

I loved you most exciting

unattainable

shadow in the mirror

that was what i saw

painting by the numbers

filling in the gaps

that was how i loved you

that was what it was

lost inside the stories

told a thousand times

am i somewhere in there

forever on your mind

i catch myself asking

time -  go away

is this merely life flashing

right before we die

i catch myself crying

i wonder why

it’s easier to forget

it all until we die

February

cover the surface with wood

a ghost of the treehouse we lived in

old branches of a Christmas tree

throw them one by one

off of the balcony

order an appointment with the doctor

but spring is just breaths away

February birthdays

are the rarest

do we get to dance when

we can touch each other again?

I miss things I didn’t even know I had around

a face in the window

across the street

I get shy as she is

staring straight at me

an old man is on his balcony

flaunting the sunshine to his iPad

I used to be like this with my family

back when i was away

my sun and my moon

will there be a twilight

where you can love each other again?

I will stay awake

but I know it’s not enough

I will love you both

till the day we turn to dust

Underneath the sun

a drink to the mishaps and the glory of the old days

another for the instance when I brushed with the unknown

a soft kiss for the sorrys and the deeds never undone

and a prayer for the truth, whether it saves you or faults

and so, darling I know, I am safe in your hands

if I fall, from you or towards, I have somewhere to land

I’ll be on your side, underneath the sun

carved out in heaven, some of our love

I have tried to hide, I have failed to forget

I could be the culprit if I was right

a tear for the troubled that I loved late that night

that I have often wished how I hadn’t found

lost is the answer in the fabric of the clouds

a promise in the distance, whether it saves you or faults

and so, darling I know ….

CARE FOR YOU 

this dream has faced sudden death 

its every blink and every breath 

my friend’s lost inside his brain 

will the drugs not end his pain

he may not know 

he may not want 

to see what i’m seeing 

he may not care

to feel 

half the things i’m feeling 

i am one

yet without 

i care for you without a doubt

sleep and dream 

as sweet as taste 

all the things we couldn’t mend 

tracing lines around us 

one for you and a ripple for me 

the simple way it has to be

i may not know 

i may not want 

to see what i’m seeing 

i may not care 

to feel half the things i’m feeling

i can't tell what is  

or whether i am still dreaming 

he may not know 

he may not want 

to see what i’m seeing 

he may not care

to feel 

half the things i’m feeling 

we’ve been two 

yet without 

but caring without a doubt 

somehow 

somehow 

TAKING A PART OF ME 

blessed be every wound

thank you for tearing me open 

thank you for every tear

thank you for making me fragile 

for taking the love in me higher 

(finding that spot in me)

pulling me, spreading me

further and closer and wider

loving me, losing me, wanting me, seeing me, 

making me see what is tender and sweet in me

hurting me, setting free,

taking a part of me, 

taking a part of me higher 

THINK TOO FAST

i’m sitting still

what an endless while

watch the lights go down 

and i don’t turn on 

in my silky bed 

flowing woven threads

i am trying to undo 

if i think too hard i forget it all 

i forget what i’m missing baby 

i’ve an open gap i’ve given all 

and i think i’m running dry 

what am i missing baby

what am i missing 

will i find the day 

where you call me up 

i’m still here for an endless while 

do you see me still 

MY WORK 

i stare into nothing, i yearn for the innocence i think i once had 

a lack of sense for a fear that grows as I grow older

i've carried these thoughts and i've drowned them in work and i've worn myself blue on the way down

oh mother would you cry if you hear this song

i woke up with dreams i've not dreamt for a month 

i was ill and i couldn't sleep long

i dreamt i'd gone back home to collect my old winter coat

it's that time of year and not odd growing up in a place that always was cold 

oh mother i woke up so sad having stayed where i swam in your kindness and warmth 

so quiet and strong 

oh mother would you cry if i tell you the things i have done

hurried my death and done my beauty so wrong 

i stare into nothing and slow down my thoughts 

as i turn off the light and get on with my work 

gravity 

a line that meets another line 

arrows shooting endlessly 

and the anchor in my rib cage

reminding me of the gravity 

i feel how I’m hopelessly 

warping all reality 

wishing things were different

between you and me

i’m veiling thoughts in counterpoint 

alternately wavering 

there’s miles between the water

and the moon 

when my eyes meet with your eyes 

i briefly leave the clouds behind 

oh to feel your breath and mine 

constellating

even when i get the things 

i dared to dream and wanted 

i can’t defy the gravity

JUNO

my heaven shone

from a face

from the back of his eyelids 

from the black of behind a moonlight

once he was mine 

upon a time

in a state, day and darkness 

was a truth held upon us 

we were dancing with the stars

while the earth fell apart  

we're glowing and sunless 

we were dancing in the fog

unaware of the world

it was timeless 

for a while

there are the stars around us

sometimes i’ll think of you 

wish i could lean on you

sometimes i can’t be bothered

sway my mind towards another 

element 

dream less and daze a touch 

fewer times off and such 

is the cool after fires

and flames of our desires

we were dancing in the stars  

let dreams pull hard 

in the sweetest illusion 

oh we know it won’t last 

but we'll savour the crash 

it’s the sweetest avenging

of all 

there are the stars above us 

DIVE IN

you came along 

like a blistering comet 

in a swarm of stars 

i knew your face

like an echo appearing 

completing the round

that juncture immersed 

with beauty

and warmth

you’re the golden light

you’re the ocean tide 

that surges over 

drench me and stay 

closer

you went along 

we said our farewells so quiet

in dead air

we settled on 

that the journey would perspire

i’d find you somewhere 

the planets aligned 

and the coast was silver clear 

you’re the fervent heat 

you’re the rushing of the beat

the soaring high  

i can’t stay passive

you’re the water gush 

you’re the oceanic rush  

that surges over me

FALLS (NO WONDER)

i fall too hard i forget too fast 

there’s no wonder i’ve tangled my heart like that 

i loved him once can i do it again 

can i let myself fall at it again 

land in his arms

his home is the motherly nest i had 

the one i abandoned when it hit too hard 

can i do it again 

some carve deep and others just pass

by like a wave of wind at glance 

i can feel my legs want to follow a path 

but my heart is groping whatever it can 

i fall too hard i forget too fast 

must be hard to care for a woman like that 

land in my arms

i carve too deep and i move too much 

a gentle affection a struggling touch  

i'd forgotten how sweet and sunny it was 

there’s no wonder it hurt like a dagger at last 

can i do it again

hold tight both arms on my chest 

if i give it i’ll have to collect it again 

in case it falls 

SHIMMER

make hay while the sun is out 

a shimmer to send you is all i’ve got 

die like the summer bloom 

born to be young and reborn again

the strings we’ve tied we don’t understand 

we’ve tried and we’ve failed at it again and again 

i try keeping up - i stand by, arms spread

i stretch all angles wide

and i lose countless times 

cause sadness means something else to you 

i’m not meant to know but a glimpse of it too 

the scent of my faults hovers

teardrops suspended a timeless while 

redo and regret, every dream 

and every breath 

headed towards staying with it 

cause living easy you can’t understand 

you try and you fail both hard and unbound

staying, waiting and moving along

we’ll tie them together the strings we’ve undone

I WISH I’D SEE THE WAY YOU SEE ME 

go away to find you in my dreams 

wake up with a phantom embrace

wake up with a hole in my chest

will the thought ever reach you

will an ocean wave bear it all the way 

oh the days i strive to be in control 

i wish id see the way you see me 

i can’t grasp what I’m not to know

the days i rest my eyes

and let you go 

DRIFTER

there’s a thread

you have a line to mine 

whether i care or not 

fold them in your tender arms

and hold on while you care to go onwards

and fall 

i’m falling in softly 

i’m catching the drift 

i’m following my 

see through stitches tying our dreams together 

a glimpse of the dawn ahead

still restless 

watching the sun together 

elusive and tender

i immerse and forget it 

enfold them in blue arms

like resting stars in daytime 

tuck them behind cold sunlight 

up in the world that’s passed

until darkness aligns